What is Sonder? Exploring Connection and Shared Humanity for Personal Growth
Have you ever looked at a stranger and wondered about the richness of their life? The moments of joy, pain, triumph and struggle they carry that remain invisible to the world? This profound realisation has a name: sonder.
Coined by John Koenig in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, sonder captures the awareness that every person we encounter is living a life as vivid and complex as our own. It’s a humbling, awe-inspiring thought—one that ties deeply into Extrology’s mission of fostering connection, purpose, and shared humanity.
While the word “sonder” is modern, its essence resonates with ancient wisdom. Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Stoic philosopher, once wrote:
“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticise?”
This quote speaks to the heart of sonder. It reminds us to pause and consider the depth of others’ lives, to view their actions not through judgment, but through understanding and compassion. Aurelius’s reflection encourages us to look beyond our immediate perspective and recognise the shared humanity that connects us all.
At Extrology, connection is a cornerstone of our mission. It’s through stories—of resilience, purpose, and growth—that we find common ground and inspire one another to take meaningful action. The concept of sonder invites us to deepen this connection by appreciating the vast, unseen worlds within every individual we encounter.
Every guest on Extrology brings their own unique story. But what unites them is the shared experience of navigating challenges, overcoming adversity and finding purpose. Sonder reminds us that even the smallest interactions hold the potential for profound understanding, if we choose to see them that way.
Reflecting on sonder isn’t just an intellectual exercise; it’s a practice that can transform how we live and connect with others. Here are three ways to embrace this perspective:
Cultivate Empathy:
The next time you feel frustrated with someone, pause and consider what challenges they might be facing. What might their unseen story reveal about their behaviour? Empathy grows when we recognise the complexity of others’ lives.
Deepen Relationships:
Apply sonder in your close relationships by asking deeper questions and actively listening. Understanding the intricacies of someone else’s journey can create stronger, more meaningful bonds.
Expand Gratitude:
Reflect on how others, even strangers, contribute to your life in unseen ways—the delivery driver, the person who designed the chair you’re sitting on or the author of a book that changed your perspective. Sonder reminds us that we are interconnected in countless ways.
Recognising the richness of others’ lives can also deepen your understanding of your own. By appreciating the shared struggles and triumphs of humanity, we see our challenges not as isolating, but as part of a universal story. This perspective fosters resilience and humility, two pillars of personal growth.
At Extrology, we celebrate the extraordinary within the ordinary. Sonder captures the beauty of this idea, reminding us that every life is a story worth exploring. As you move through your day, take a moment to reflect on the unseen worlds of the people around you. What connections might you discover? What lessons might they hold for you?
Thank you for being part of the Extrology journey. Together, let’s continue exploring what it means to live with purpose, connection, and resilience.
If this concept resonates with you, I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments or connect with me directly. And if you haven’t yet, listen to the latest episode of Extrology, where we delve into stories that celebrate the richness of human experience. Let’s keep the conversation going.